


Queer Eye: We're in Fodlan!

by Drachis917



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dimitri gets a makeover, Dimitri has a pet rat, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fluff, Multi, Will add more as I go, it's named areadbhar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24687943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drachis917/pseuds/Drachis917
Summary: The Fab Five visit the land of Fodlan (a modernized version), and improve the lives of the people they meet.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier (background), will add more as I go - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	1. Yas, King! pt. one

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to structure this in the form of an episode. The italics are the cutaways to additional commentary.

"Alright guys," Karamo said, briefly looking away from the road to glance at the rest of the Fab Five, "Who's our first Fodlan hero?" 

"We're doing a man named Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddid," Tan informed him. 

"Ooh, that's a fancy name!" Jonathan exclaimed. 

"He's twenty-four, six foot two inches-"

"That's tall," Bobby said. 

"It is!" Antoni agreed. 

"He currently works for the governor, and hopes to run for the position when he gets a little older," Tan continued, "His nominator is his former roommate Dedue Molinaro, and all his friends agree that he needs to clean himself up." 

_"Rarely does he take any time for himself," Dedue said, "I have a difficult time criticizing him, but I have to admit that he desperately needs the Fab Five's help."_

_"His personal hygiene is almost nonexistent," Felix sighs, "I get that losing an eye is difficult, but that does not excuse the boar from only showering once or twice a week!"_

"That's... certainly a choice," Jonathan said, extremely hesitant, "I can't say it's a choice I agree with, though." 

"He also has a girlfriend who he's been with for almost two years," Tan said, "She's moving in with him at the end of the week, and when she does, he wants to propose to her!" 

"Good for him!" Karamo cheered.

"If she's moving in with him, we want him and his house looking good," Bobby said. 

"This week's mission," Tan declared, "Get our king to look fab for his future queen!" 

"Let's do this!" Antoni said as the others cheered. 

~~~

The Fab Five drove by the two-story house that they would be working on. There were several decently-kept hedges on the front yard, and a small pot of peppers on the railing of the porch. "Well, the outside of the house looks good," Bobby said, "I just wonder about the inside." 

They parked in the driveway and stepped up to the door, Jonathan knocking gently. 

"Hi guys!" Dimitri said as he opened the door, "Nice to meet you!" 

"Heeey!" The Five went in for a hug, looking around the space. 

_"What caught my eye immediately was his hair," Jonathan commented, "It is a hot, untrimmed mess. Like, that's not okay, queen."_

The house was not very messy at first glance, albeit a little dark, but on closer inspection, most of the surfaces were dusty. Antoni brushed his finger over the stove and came away with a gray finger. "Ugh," he grunted, "That isn't healthy. How often do you cook?" 

"Not often," Dimitri admitted, "Most of my heated foods come from the microwave." 

"I could guess," Bobby said, "It's the only thing in here without a layer of dust." 

Dimitri laughed, looking embarrassed. 

"And these dishes were in the sink since...?" Antoni prompted, sniffing them and recoiling slightly. 

"Five days ago." 

_"Hold up," Antoni said._

"Alright then," Bobby said, "Let's look around somewhere else. What's this?" he held up a container of what looks like pet food. 

"Oh, that's food for my rat," Dimitri said. 

"You have a pet rat?" Bobby clarified. 

"Yep, her name's Areadbhar." 

"Interesting." 

Tan looked through the closet, mumbling, "Does he have anything other than solid colors and jeans?" He assessed the jeans he pulled out and gasped at how many holes there were in them. "Are they all like that?" he wondered. 

"So," Jonathan started, "Tell me about your morning routine. After you wake up, what do you do?" 

"I usually brush my teeth, run a comb through my hair, I shave every few days, and that's about it." Dimitri recounted. 

"Okay," Jonathan pondered, "I've noticed that your hair is not doing you many favors. Would you want to, like, change that?" 

"I would like it a bit shorter, yes," Dimitri said, "I just haven't had any time to work on it. Although, if it gets too long, I will cut it myself." 

Jonathan gave him an incredulous look. "Queen, we've gotta fix that." 

Anthony picked his way through the fridge, pulling out a wide variety of cheeses. "That's a lot of cheese," Antoni said, "Is that the only thing he eats? Oh, wait, I found some vegetables. And five bulbs of garlic." 

"Let's talk about your wardrobe," Tan said, "I'm seeing a lot of blue and black solids; actually, I'm only seeing blue and black solids." 

"That is primarily what I wear," Dimitri said. 

"You work in the government, but I don't see any suits," Tan commented, "The fanciest thing I've found is this black jacket with fur lining, and I can't say I'm a fan." 

"It gets really cold here in the wintertime, and that's the warmest thing I own," Dimitri explained. 

"I can tell, it's really fluffy," Tan put the coat on, "Wow, it's actually pretty comfortable - Look how big it is on me!" he laughed, "I could fit three of me in this!" 

Dimitri laughed, "You really could!" 

"You look so small in that!" Karamo said, looking in from the doorway. 

"Even his arm is so much thicker than mine," Tan pointed out. 

"I have big muscles," Dimitri laughed, "Do you want me to flex for you?" 

"Sure!" 

Dimitri flexed his arms, showing off his physique. Tan and Karamo laughed and clapped, rather impressed. 

"I hate to stop the gun show," Karamo said, "But I'd like to talk to you for a bit one-on-one." 

"Okay," Dimitri said, leading him out to the porch. 

"So you were nominated by your college roommate," Karamo said, "I take it you have a good relationship with him?" 

"Yeah," Dimitri nodded, "We're really good friends. I'm a lot closer to Dedue than a lot of other people in my life." 

"Do you think of him sort of as family?" Karamo asked. 

"I do," Dimitri explained, "I actually lost my parents when I was young. My dad was the governor at the time, and the capitol was bombed. Dedue's parents were also caught in the rubble, so there was a time when all we had was each other." 

"Do you have any other family?" Karamo wondered. 

"Well," Dimitri pondered, "There's Rodrigue, he's a friend of the family, and acted as my responsible adult until I went to college. It was hard living there, though, because one of his sons also died in the accident, and his younger son, Felix, blamed me for it." 

"Does he still blame you?" 

"Not anymore, but we still aren't super close. I also have a step-sister, but we haven't spoken in years." 

"Would you want to reconnect with her before proposing to Byleth?" Karamo asked, "Maybe invite her to the party?" 

Dimitri thought for a moment, before saying, "Yeah, I think I would." 

_"We have a clear plan for this week," Bobby said, "I need to give this man a space for him and his girlfriend to live in and feel comfortable, and that can't happen without some lightening up and some heavy dusting."_

_"If he wants to cook for his girlfriend, he should know how to make the most of what he has," Antoni said, "Namely, he_ _should know how to use the stove and not just buy take out all the time."_

_"Dimitri works in the government, and he_ _doesn't own a suit," Tan said, "I'm going to give him a few professional looks he can use when he needs to look more formal."_

_"Even though his hair is a mess,_ _I can see a lot of potential in it,_ _" Jonathan said, "It has a gorgeous texture, he just needs to know how to make the most of it."_

_"This party is going to be so important to him, not just because he's proposing, but he's also going to be reconnecting with his step-sister," Karamo said, "Family clearly means a lot to him, and I want him to know that he has people he can turn to. Let's get this week started."_


	2. Yas, King! pt. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, I accidentally uploaded the first chapter early, so if you're read it before this chapter was posted, you might want to go back to the previous chapter to catch up on what's happening.

"Right, let's find you a suit," Tan said, "It is unacceptable to not own one in your position. You want to look formal, wear a good suit." 

"Let's do this," Dimitri said, following Tan into the store. 

"Is there any reason why you don't have a suit yet?" Tan asked, "I don't mean to pry, but if you'd be willing to share..." 

"Yeah, um," Dimitri pondered, "Two years ago, around the same time I lost my eye, my mental health started to really go downhill. I wasn't in a good place, and I kind of let myself go. I just haven't gotten around to fully building myself back up, and clothes have been near the bottom of my to-do list for a while." 

"Understandable," Tan nodded, "But dressing well is a huge step in feeling confident, and I'm sure you want to look nice for Byleth. I'm here to make you look good, so let's try on a few different outfits, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Tan handed Dimitri a navy blue suit with a pale blue undershirt and showed him the dressing room. He waited for him to finish getting dressed, asked if he was ready, and showed him to the mirror. 

"Wow," Dimitri said, admiring the fit and straitening the jacket, "I look good!" 

"You do!" Tan encouraged, "Can I just tuck the undershirt in," he performed his signature french tuck, "There. This can be something formal to wear to work, or maybe to a fancy event. Now, I'd like to put you in a more casual look, so could you go back to the dressing room for me." 

After a few minutes, Dimitri came back out in a black bomber jacket with an embroidered golden lion on the left side of the chest. Tan encouraged him to do a model walk, so he strutted up to the mirror and did a small turn on the heels of his new shoes. 

"How do you feel?" Tan asked. 

"I feel confident," Dimitri said, grinning, "I haven't looked this good in... I don't know how long." 

"Good," Tan exclaimed, "I'm glad you like it. Is this something you would wear at the party this weekend? Something you think your girlfriend would like?" 

"Yeah, I think she's going to love it," Dimitri said. 

"Excellent. Now, if you don't mind, could you get back in your old clothes please? I'm going to take you to your next stop." 

"Okay, what am I doing next?" 

"You are going to hang out with Antoni for a while." 

"Sounds fun!" 

Tan drove Dimitri to a close by restaurant, one that Dimitri recognized. "Is this Dedue and Ashe's restaurant?" he asked, "Am I going to be making food with my friends?" 

"Yes you are," Tan said, parking in front of the doors. 

"Hi guys!" Antoni called from the doorway, "Are you ready to make some food with us?" 

"Yeah," Dimitri said, "Yeah, let's do this." 

Ashe and Dedue greeted Dimitri and, after Ashe's assurances that he can run things on his own, showed him to their kitchens, the ingredients they would use already laid out on the counter. "Now," Antoni began, "Dedue told me that you have a disorder that makes it so you can't really tase anything. What was it called again?" 

"Ageusia," Dimitri provided, "And yes, my sense of taste is only barely functioning. That's why I eat a lot of really pungent foods, they're about the only thing I can get any flavor from." 

"How did you manage that when you were living together?" Antoni asked Dedue, "You said that you were always the cook, right?" 

"It was interesting," Dedue said, "We had actually been living together for about six, seven months before I found out." 

"Did you ever have any problems eating things you weren't supposed to?" Antoni wondered. 

"I have accidentally eaten some of Aread's food before," Dimitri admitted. 

"Rat food?" Antoni gasped, "Dude. Well, hopefully what we make today will be a lot better than that." 

"I'm sure it will be," Dimitri agreed. 

They ended up making a deceptively simple four-cheese macaroni and cheese with garlic and onions for an added punch. It went relatively smoothly, if you ignored that Dimitri bent his knife while trying to crush the garlic cloves. He apologized profusely and ran to get a new one, while Dedue just sighed and shook his head. 

"Is this normal?" Antoni asked Dedue, wondering why he wasn't surprised. 

"You get used to it," Dedue said fondly, "When you've known him as long as I have, not much can surprise you. He always thinks that he's weaker than he is." 

When Dimitri returned with a fresh knife, they added the rest of the ingredients and put the dish in the oven. 

"It was really good to cook with you again," Dimitri said, smiling at Dedue, "And thank you, Antoni, for giving me a chance to do this." 

"Aw, thanks!" Antoni said, "Should we do a group hug?" 

Dimitri grinned and swept Antoni off his feet, Dedue hugging them both from behind. The sudden display of strength was a little surprising, but that didn't make it unwelcome. They laughed, and after Dimitri set the smaller man down, he and Dedue exchanged stories about owning a small restaurant. When their macaroni and cheese came out of the oven, they split it into three portions and sampled it together. 

"Wow," Dimitri gasped, "This is good! Like, really good!" 

"It is!" Antoni encouraged, giving Dimitri a high five, "You did a great job!" 

"I have to agree, this is delicious," Dedue said. 

They ate happily for a few minutes before Dimitri caught Dedue staring at him. "What is it?" he asked. 

"Nothing," Dedue sighed, "It's just so wonderful to see you truly smile again." 


	3. Yas, King! pt. three

"Good morning," Karamo greeted Dimitri, "How are you feeling?" 

"Nervous," Dimitri admitted, "The last time El and I talked was an argument. We both work in political fields, and while we agree on some things that could make a better future, we have very different views about how to get to that point." 

"Like what?" Karamo asked. 

"El has a very negative view on religion," Dimitri explained, "She's had a lot of bad experiences with it, and thought that in order for progress to be made, the church had to be abolished. While I'm not the most religious man, I don't think she needs to go that far." 

"Do you know if her opinion has changed?" Karamo wondered. 

"I don't." 

"Is there anything else worrying you?" 

Dimitri was silent for a moment, before saying, "Yeah. I've told you that I was in a dark place a few years ago, and I'm scared that she's going to see that person instead of who I am today." 

"I can see why you're worried," Karamo advised, "But you are a better person now. She wants to reconnect, and I'll help you if there's anything you aren't sure how to talk about." 

They pulled the car up to the park the meeting was at, and sat down at one of the picnic tables. After a few minutes of waiting, they saw another car pull in, and Edelgard stepped out. She approached their table and greeted them, shaking their hands. 

"It's really good to see you again," Dimitri said. 

"Likewise," Edelgard said, grinning, "How have you been the past few years?" 

"I've been getting better," Dimitri said, "My girlfriend has helped me a lot." 

"Wait, you got a girlfriend?" Edelgard asked. 

"Yeah." 

"Congratulations! I'm glad you found someone." 

"Thank you," Dimitri smiled softly, "Anyway, I wanted to apologize to you. I've thought a lot about our argument, and I now know that I took things way too far. I shouldn't have-" 

"I'm going to stop you there," Edelgard interrupted, "Looking back on what happened, I also need to say sorry. You may have gotten aggressive in our argument, but I was the one who instigated it. I didn't explain myself as well as I should have. Can you give me another chance?" 

"Only if you give me one as well," Dimitri agreed, "What do you say we start over? Forgive and forget?" 

"Of course," Edelgard smiled, leaning over the table to embrace her step-brother. 

The two of them chatted for a while longer, explaining each of their points of view what had happened during their argument, and with Karamo's guidance, cleared up each other's misconceptions. They also talked about less serious things, and had a good laugh at some of the stories they shared. When Edelgard admitted that she wished she could see him more often, Dimitri took the opportunity to invite her to his party that weekend, to which she happily agreed. 

"You'll have to introduce me to your girlfriend," she proposed, "From what you've told me, she sounds very interesting." 

"Yeah, Byleth sure is something," Dimitri laughed, "It was so good to see you again." 

"Same to you," Edelgard said, giving him one last hug before walking back to her car. 

Dimitri smiled and waved goodbye, letting out a small sigh of relief. 

"You did really good," Karamo encouraged, "How does that feel?" 

"I'm so glad that didn't go wrong," Dimitri admitted, "It's a huge weight off me shoulders, knowing that we can be friends again." 

Karamo patted him on the back and led him back to the car. 

When they reached their next stop, Karamo said, "Johnathan is just finishing up with a client, and then he'll be ready for you." 

"I can wait," Dimitri said, walking into the hairdresser. 

"Hi guys!" Johnathan said, turning and waving as they walked in. He swiveled the chair to reveal who he was working on, and Dimitri's eye lit up upon seeing Byleth. 

"Hi, Dima," Byleth greeted, waving casually. 

"By!" Dimitri called, "What are you doing here?" 

"Johnathan invited me," Byleth answered, "I figured I could use the opportunity to touch up my color." 

"Alright, you're all done, queen," Jonathan said, unclipping the cape from around Byleth's shoulders. She and Dimitri shared a hug and a kiss before saying goodbye. 

"Right then," Jonathan said, "Let's get your hair cleaned up and make you look a little less, like, mountain-man-y." 

He washed Dimitri's hair, commenting on how greasy it felt, before settling him in a chair and getting to work. Trimming the uneven ends and getting his bangs out of his face was the top priority, as well as simply cleaning it up to make it look nicer. When that was done, Jonathan gave Dimitri some advice about how to take better care of his hair, as well as several styling suggestions. 

"It feels really nice," Dimitri complimented, "It's much lighter than it used to be." 

"I'm glad you like it!" Jonathan cheered, "Now, you mentioned earlier that you aren't a fan of having to wear an eyepatch all the time." 

"Yeah, it can get pretty annoying," Dimitri admitted. 

"So, with that in mind," Jonathan said, "I got you a present!" He revealed a small box and handed it to Dimitri, who opened it to find a well-crafted glass eye the same shade of blue as his remaining one. 

"This is," Dimitri stuttered, amazed, "Wow, thank you so much!" 

"You're welcome!" Jonathan said. He instructed him on how to put it in, and was elated when it fit perfectly, admitting that he guessed on the size.

Dimitri stared in awe at his reflection, saying, "I actually feel handsome again." 

"I'm so glad you do!" Jonathan cheered, "Never forget how gorgeous you are, queen." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the late upload, I've been really busy lately. Thank you for your patience!  
> Does anyone want to start hearing my thoughts on these chapters? I'll add them here as a test run.  
> Dimitri and Edelgard's reunion was really cathartic to write. I just want them to be happy, and if anyone can make that happen, it's the Fab Five. I also tried to emulate Dimitri's NG+ hairstyle for this chapter, and I hope I did a good job getting that across, since I know very little about hairstyling.  
> If anyone wants to know my plans for this story: I'm planning on splitting each episode up into four chapters. I'll also try to rotate between characters from each house. I have ideas for the next two episodes after this one, but if you want to see a makeover for anyone in particular, feel free to comment about it! I'm always open to requests!  
> Thank you so much for reading, and have a nice day!


End file.
